Target your thoughts.

My client told me her mother in law was visiting, and how her mother in law gossips sometimes. She talks about her daughter.  My client is friends with the daughter, and the daughter and her mother have a strained relationship, as so many Indians do. Her mother doesn’t agree with her life choices and judges her for her choice of who her partner is. Anyways, back to the gossip.

I was like, whoa, so we just have this acceptance that all Indian mom’s make comments and judge--or whatever you want to call it-- their daughter and who she chooses to marry? And analyzing how he treats her? Then what?  As an adult we’re just supposed to accept this strained familial relationship as normal?

My client made the comment in passing this is totally acceptable, stating things like: 

“It’s the way it is” 

“Nothing needs to change” 

“The parent will never change, and the relationship will just be strained, and that’s the end of it”

She genuinely presented this situation as an unchangeable, no big deal type of scenario.

BUT, it is a big deal.  Right?  Why is it considered okay for us to accept strained relationships as they are?  Why do so many of us Indians settle?  

I’m not talking about settling for a guy or girl or job.  I’m talking about settling for a strained relationship?

It’s the reality, and it can be changed.

Now you’re thinking, yeah, yeah, they’re never going to change.

We’re not asking them to change.  Moms.  Mom’s make judgements, comments, and usually they make them out loud, without a filter.  I see you nodding in agreement.  I know this is true for so many of us.

This is the key-- so let them.  Let them pass those comments.

Words.  They are speaking words.  Sounds.  Be neutral.

What if I told you the reason you feel sad, angry, frustrated when you hear those words is because of a thought, triggered by those sounds.

I believe this is the SUPERPOWER I am ready to bring to all of us Indians.

Mom’s words

Mother-In-Law’s words

They are….

Words

Sounds

Neutral

The feelings that come after

Sad

Angry

Frustrated

Those feelings are a result of thoughts.

Once we see that the thoughts are the culprit and not the words, we can get to feeling

calm.

Be Proud.

Cheers,
Maneesha Ahluwalia