Urges

It's so strong right now.  This urge.  It’s consuming me.  Urge.

Urges can come in all sorts of ways, for all sorts of things.  Can you remember the last time you had an urge?

to speak,

to get your opinion out,

to speak before someone else was finished talking,

to stop listening to what they are saying,

to roll your eyes,

to relieve the pain by crying,

to yell because you’re so hurt,

to curse because you’re not being understood,

to have an outburst because they won’t listen and do what you want,

to sulk because it didn’t go your way.

Urges are those feelings that proceed all the

speaking

getting the opinion out

speaking before they’re done speaking

stopping listening because you’ve heard it before

rolling your eyes

crying

yelling

cursing

having an outburst

sulking.

Most of these things are only temporary relief from pain, false pleasure.

They give us a quick dopamine hit.

They are not long lasting solutions or results to the same problems we’ve faced for years.

Temporary bandaids.

Today, we just want to be aware that urges proceed these actions.

So now what?  What is it that we can do in the face of these urges?

I have an urge right now.  I’m in a health journey.  I’ve decided to cut sugar and flour.  I want to break the habit of answering every urge with something sweet.  Even that, I’m done with dinner and it’s time for something sweet, even that.  This is not to say sugar is evil.  I have sugar.  I just don’t want it to control me.  I want to be in control.  And right now, this urge for sugar is consuming me.  And I’m practicing writing in response to the urge.  I’m practicing being with the urge, allowing it to be, unanswered.  It’s the hardest part of my health journey.  I’ve been on this health journey for four years, 60 pounds down, down to 14% body fat, documented by a photoshoot yesterday. Despite the years of being on a health journey, I am still a work in progress.

The concept of sitting with urge, allowing urge, is so simple.  For me, even after four years, it’s not easy.  It’s certainly easier than it was, and clearly, I’ve sat with some urges or I could not have achieved the health I’m in now.  It’s just to say, we all are in a journey, and in our own pace.

Wherever you are is ok.

And today, we realize, urge is all around us.

Urge, craving, desire.

And we realize that the hit we get from yelling, speaking, crying, is temporary, short-term, a band-aid.

I’m ready to find the long-term, permanent solution to the urge.

Are you?